MRI and doctor's visit updates

Well, we got the results back from the MRI as well as some new news from her pediatrician. The MRI showed that there is more fluid in her spine than there was in the beginning, but that the tethered cord is gone. So, about the fluid in the spine. In the beginning we learned that the fluid in the spine was caused because the tethered cord was pulling her spine, and it was somehow allowing the fluid into the spine. So the hope was that with the surgery, the fluid would go away. But actually, it increased, which means there is another problem. So what the doctors want to do is do another MRI in 3 months, and if the fluid is the same amount, this will be her new "normal" level and there won't be a worry about it. But if the fluid has increased yet again, then there will be other tests done, and most likely surgery. Ug...I am so tired of these MRI's. I mean, I know they are doing good because they are showing us problems in her body, but they are really hurting her too because they are delaying her more. Every time she goes under there is a certain amount of delay; the doctors can't say for certain how much, but they do know there is an amount of delay. Here is the information that we got from her 9 month checkup...

Her height is 2'3.2", and it was 2'1" in January, so she's gained all of 2 inches and is in the 32%. Weight is 16 lb 7.7 oz, last month it was 15 lb 7.6 oz, so she's gained all of 1 pound (9%). And her head is 16.1", and it was 15.51" in March, so she's gained all of .6" and is in the .37%. It's really hard not to be upset about this because she's so small...it's hard not to feel like it's my fault. Like, if I would have eaten more, than maybe she would have more weight on her. Or if I would have done something to take better care of myself, then she wouldn't be so bad off. How does a mother not blame herself when she sees her child struggling, and the child did nothing to cause that struggle. This is all really tough to handle...