A better UpdateGrace is doing so well. I can't believe that this little girl is making such leaps and bounds. Can you imagine that she'd know how to drink out of a real cup without mommy's help? Well, she can. It was her first time yesterday, and she did great!! She loved knowing that she controlled the flow of fluid that ran into her mouth! In the beginning, she kept putting the cup to her mouth without tipping it up, just expecting the fluid to be there. It was so cute :) I had to show her, "here, tip it up a little." So sweet :) I borrowed from small cups from my grandma and it was a perfect size for Grace! Grace looked at me in utter amazement when she realized she had moved the liquid and drank the water without mommy helping! She's growing up so fast!
We've been dealing with a clean out of Grace's, so we're changing diapers every 10 minutes again. I can easily say that it's really tiring to do that, both for my physically and my wallet too. Diapers aren't cheap, and for her to run through them so fast is depressing! I will say I'm glad she's cleaning out, but do I wish we were able to use cloth? Yes. It'd be cheaper...just a lot messier.
I talked with Grace's therapist yesterday about Grace trying out a walker (since I saw one her perfect size). Her therapist said, "yeah, we could try it, because I know for certain she will be able to do it. But I won't loan one out to you." Crap. I just want my kid to walk. And at this point I really feel like the therapists are the ones holding her back. She will get confident enough with the walker, and then we can wean her. That's the path I want to take. But for some reason, what the parent wants isn't what matters. Did you notice I said "parent" and not "parents". Brad wants to give her her time to grow into walking. Yet he doesn't see the stares at church from people wondering why she still crawls, or feeling bad because she can't go run with the kids down the hall. I know there's tons of other parents out there in the same situation (their kid not walking when they should) and they are handling it fine, but I'm not! For the most part I'm okay with it. But if I think too much about her age and that she's not walking, and that we will be going to Montana soon and might still be crawling, I get.... worried?? I don't even know what I'm feeling, but just know I'm feeling something! I know it's not Grace's fault. It's a challenge Heavenly Father gave her with being born with the gene deletion and the brain issues, but that doesn't mean it's any easier. And even if Grace was just being lazy, I wouldn't blame her. Because really, a kid doesn't know how to be lazy at this age!!! She wants to go go go, I can see it in her. She struggles so much with her confidence of standing, and stepping/walking with me, I can totally see that she just doesn't trust the body she's been given. So why not give her a tool she can trust (the walker) rather than her continue to be scared? I could go on about this forever. I wish I could just put my foot down, knowing that 100% it won't effect her later that we've given her the walker now. But I don't know. I don't want people saying "I told you so" when Grace doesn't trust her body later as we try to wean her from a walker. This is all just so confusing, and takes patience (which obviously, I don't have). Right at this point, the idea of my daughter being on her feet mobile is more important to me than what "might" happen in the future.
I guess I better move on from that or my post will be super long. Grace has started drinking Lactaid milk today. We are going to see how she does with that, since cows milk gives her diarrhea. I'm really hoping this will work out for her since she loves milk so much!
So Grace's doctor said the runny nose/ nasty cough could last for another 2 weeks. He said the cold just needs to run it's course, and there's nothing we can do about it. So his assumption is that she got a cold, and then an ear infection, so she had two things at once rather than the ear infection causing the nose/cough. Hopefully it goes away before her going into Nursery!
Grace signed a two word sentence! I couldn't believe it! She's actually signed a sentence before saying it! We were working with her therapist and playing with the baby (actually, it was a jack in the box clown, but we were calling it baby) and she signed "more baby". WOW!!! I was so ecstatic! Of course, there's the huge fear settling into my mind (seriously, it's like a huge cloud looming over me) that she's relying TOO much on her signing, and not vocalizing what she wants to say. And since Brad's voiced some concern about it as well, I'm now wondering what the future will hold with her. Whether she will be a chosen mute (not completely since she does babble) or that she will learn to use both her voice and her sign 50/50. It's so dumb, you know? All these things that you can't do anything about because it's the future when you will know if there's a problem or not, yet I have to worry about them now because we might have to change the now so the future won't be more difficult. When I was pregnant, I worried about if I would be a good mom, and would I be able to teach her to wean from a bottle appropriately (at the right age) and how will I teach her everything? And now, my worries are, "why is she still drinking a bottle at 17 almost 18 months?" And, "is there any other way in the universe that I can show Grace to trust her body and just WALK without having to use a walker?" and "is she gonna have surgery to fix her bowels, or will we forever have her in diapers? Do they even make diapers that big?"
I know that she's got all these medical issues...I understand that. But really. Is there something that I could have been doing better? Should I have breastfed her longer? Should I have eaten better while carrying her? Or not worked full time like I did up until birth day? Should I have done more therapy work with her throughout the weeks? Should I have pushed her more, and would that have helped her succeed further than where she's at? I wonder where she would be if she didn't have all these medical issues? I wonder where she would be if she would have had therapy earlier?
Ug...Whatever. Questions that forever swim in my head.
Amanda