Tough Day

The day didn't become difficult until later in the day.  This morning went pretty well...for the most part.  I was wanting to get up early enough that I could have some time to really "wake up" and be more willing to work slowly with Grace and her morning wake up charts.  BUT...when you have a 2 month old, things like that just don't go as planned, especially when he's having issues with colic.  So there was rushing going on and that meant frustration on her part.  Thankfully, we had picked her clothes out last night and that helped us get pass the freakout about having to choose a shirt.  It's tough with that because she's got all the coats on the left of her closet, shirts in the middle, and dresses on the right, and if she's given the chance to "choose a SHIRT," then it's very difficult for her to look at JUST the shirts.  It's too overwhelming with all the other items in there.  Anyways, already had stuff picked out.  Then comes the diaper fight... :(  Sometimes she's ok in the morning, but other times preparation for the day is just so difficult.  But I tried to stay positive and finally, the clothes were on.  Next came the fight to brush her hair and put it up.  This is a fight every time, regardless of her mood.  I don't know if it's a sensory issue or just typical child behavior but she does NOT like standing to get her hair brushed.  Thankfully, Daddy was up and he distracted her while I put her hair up.  Shew!  Breakfast came and she did such a great job eating her oatmeal!  Daddy ate with her :)  And I had to nurse Levi so there we went, we were late to school!  I didn't mind, though.  Just have to let some things go, you know.  Grace was super excited because she had collected 10 box tops and that meant she got to turn them into the school office and get a candy!  She got a giant Pixi Stick!  Boy was she so excited!

Grace-  "Mom!!  Let me show you something!"  

Mom- "What do you have, Grace?"

Grace- "Mom, come here (I bent down).  Ok, (clears throat and pushes hair out of face), I dot a CANDY!!!"

Mom- "That is so awesome, Grace!!!"

Off to class we went.  When she got there she showed her teacher, and then there was a bit of a struggle with leaving the candy in the backpack, but when her helper said she got to wash her hands, Grace was over it :)

I had made some appointments for Levi to see if there was any way we can get rid of this crying/screaming stuff.  It REALLY stresses all of us out, Grace included, and all the attention I have to give him means she's being left out and I don't like it.  So when she got out of school and finished at gymnastics, there was no point in putting her to bed because Levi had to see a chiropractor at 2:30. We ended up letting him take a look at Grace but BOY...from the moment we got there, things were crazy.  Levi was constantly crying, Grace was extremely tired and so she couldn't control her body (constantly moving), couldn't listen, wouldn't stop playing with the table (it moved up and down), kept trying to cover Levi's mouth with her hand (she was really stressed from his crying), or getting into the diaper bag (for ANYTHING or nothing).  Fast forward through the "fixing" of the kids and we were off to the ENT.  Grace was very upset because I didn't give her another snack (she had a green kale pack at the chiropractor--like the applesauce packs but organic greens).  When we got to the ENT place I almost exploded!  I went in to sign in and had a screaming baby in the carseat while Daddy and Grace parked the car.  I have to fill out paperwork and am swinging Levi in the carseat as hard as I could (almost horizontal to the ground---don't worry, he likes the sudden motions).  Then Grace and Brad come in and I give the baby to Brad and Grace is constant at my side..."Mom, I want a snack.  Mom.  Mom.  MOM!!  I WANT A SNACK!!!"  Dad gave her candy..."Mom, I want to eat it.  Open please.  Mom...I want the candy!  MOM!"  I asked her over and over to sit down with dad while I filled out paperwork.  Finally I had to use my mean mommy voice and she folded.  Off to the chair she went but it didn't last long...maybe 1 minute.  Back she came...AH!  Fast forward to the appointment.  She did well in the room after I remembered that I told her she could have crackers.  The appointment was all of 5 minutes and then we were off.  They had a toy wall that she could pick a toy from to take home, and so she picked a rubber squishy ball :)  She actually went to bed with it because she likes it so much.  

Now I'll fast forward.  I figured this would be good to show how our days are...

We got home and things were crazy.  I was fried, Brad was as well, Levi was crying again, and Grace was on sensory overload.  I don't remember much of what happened and it's only 11:18 pm, so that tells you just how fried I was.  I think I turned a movie on for her?  I don't quite remember what I did...we had dinner, though.  She didn't eat much and I'm not for arguing with her to finish.  Sometimes I fight it but today I chose my battle, and I chose to retreat.  Don't know what happened between that and bedtime...shew I'm tired!  Brad got her ready for bed because I was so stressed out about the dogs play fighting together and Grace egging them on while the baby slept and I was desperate for him to sleep, which he was doing.  So he took them into her room and got her ready for bed, and then she came to me and told me she was ready for her books.  We read four books together, she let me brush her teeth, kisses and hugs and off to sleep she went!

Now I should be sleeping since Levi is sleeping, but I really needed ME TIME!  Brad and I have been watching our TV shows and here he sleeps.  He had large bowel movements/gas release, so I guess chiropractic stuff does work.  

Well now Levi is stirring, so I guess I better log off.  I'm really hoping to start having the ability to focus more on Grace again, like it used to be.  Thankfully she still tells us she loves us, so we haven't shut her out...but it's just not the same.  I miss my sweet girl.  My friends tell me she's the same and that I'm dealing with immense guilt, and maybe they are right.  I feel so guilty that she doesn't have enough attention.  But it's my view of enough.  Maybe she feels like there's enough?  This is where I wish I could have a full conversation with her and really ask her, "Are you ok about your brother being here?  Do you feel like you are getting enough attention?  Is there anything I can do to help you more?"

I love my girly with all my heart.  I want her to feel that love.  And I'm trying to learn, every day, how to show her positivity instead of my stress and tension.  I hope I'm not going to effect her long term...and I'm hoping she feels our love.

Amanda