Grace and Levi

Some pictures of the kiddos. :)

 Our friends came over to visit.  

 There's my girly!  That top is half of the pajamas that Santa brought to her.

 Grace girl again!

 Grace loves holding Levi.  It's so sweet to see how much she wants to help with him.

And then two pictures of little Levi.  

Amanda

Bathtime

Grace has so much fun helping with baby brother's baths!  It's so cute to see how excited she gets when she gets to help with her brother.

Christmas!

A fun Christmas!  Santa was very good to Grace year :)  He did an actual home visit with Mrs. Claus because he loves Grace SO much!  

He brought some yummy chocolates for Grace!!!

 

 Christmas day.  Grace loves holding "her baby."  This red blanket was Grace's when she was born.  Ciara gave it to her for Christmas.

 Here's little Elaine!!

 Grace was so excited to see all the new books.  I'm going to make some activities that go along with the books so that we can have extension activities to use with the books.

And this is the gift from Santa!!  It's a farm stamp set.  She was SO excited to see this.

Amanda

Update

These past few weeks have been challenging.  I feel so bad for my kids because they have to deal with a mama with bipolar, depression and now the baby blues.  I try so hard to spread my attention between Grace and Levi, but I really feel like I'm not doing a very good job.  Maybe I'm just feeling guilty but it really seems like Grace is struggling to share me, and that she's feeling secluded.  There is a lot more impulsive behavior that isn't acceptable, a lot of covering the babies faces (Levi and Elaine) with the blanket even though we say no, and I can tell that she's bored so the Christmas vacation does NOT help.  I'm really at a loss of how to help her.  And what's worse is that Levi has colic and horrible gas, and so he's constantly crying, and during the evening (which I call "the witching hour," he cries for hours at a time.  Brad and I both try our best to deal with this but it's really straining.  

I'm hoping to really learn how to help Grace with all her behavioral issues, giving enough attention to both children, and getting back to feeling "normal."  The postpartum is extremely difficult to deal with and it's not healthy for anyone in the family.  I knew it was coming but I didn't know that it would be quite so bad, and it's different every day.  Sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening.  I checked out some books about autism, bipolar/postpartum, and breastfeeding (I'm not making much milk and Levi is SO hungry all the time, so I want to figure out how to get more milk). I'm really hoping I'll be able to learn some things to help.  Kailyn (Sissy) has been here for all this time and she's so helpful.  Feeds Grace, makes meals, does dishes, takes Levi when I can't handle the screaming anymore, and cares for the kids if I need to get laundry going or to get the mail or whatever.  Grace and Elaine have been having so much fun together, and I think Grace is really going to miss her when they go home.  Grace can giggle when looking at Elaine and Elaine will bust up laughing!  It's so cute!

All in all, this is most definitely a change.  All new struggles, ups and downs, sadness, happiness and everything in between.  I'm hoping things will get better SOON.  We have family coming tomorrow, and more coming on the 1st and I'm really hoping Grace is calm while they are here and that I can keep my postpartum under control.  

Amanda

Cooking with Mommy!

Grace and Mommy had fun cooking together...I guess you would call it baking.  I will just call the dessert coconut surprise because I really don't know what it's called!  Here's what's in it...

Melted butter on the bottom (1/2 bar)

Crushed graham cracker--bottom layer

Sweetened Condensed Milk--next layer up

Shaved Coconut--next layer up

We put peanut butter M & M's but you can put anything--top layer.

And then bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or so.

It's was pretty darn fun baking with her.  It's still really hard because her little ears still don't listen quite that well, and it's so hard for her to resist eating EVERYTHING, but she's working on it!

Amanda

Some Pictures

Here are some random pictures of the family :)  Always nice to have pictures.

 Levi!  10 days old... Dec 20, 2014

 Grace playing with Levi.  She is such a great big sister.  She's so gentle and is always willing to give a hug and a kiss.

 My smiley girl!

 Caught a small smile from the kiddo :)

 Hanging out with Sissy and Elaine.

 Grace and Levi having tummy time together.  

 Mommy and her kids.  

 Hanging out with Levi and Elaine while they have play time under the gym.

Daddy rocking Levi.  

Amanda

A New Life

Shew, what a whirlwind life has been since Levi has arrived.  Not in a bad way.  Just something new to get used to.  Grace has been doing the best she can to adapt, but we are seeing more defiance because of the excessive attention Levi is needing at this moment.  He's completely healthy, it's just that he's always needing fed, changed, burped or cuddled and it's tough for Grace to grasp.  I'm going through post partum depression as I knew I would and it's a really tough one this time.  I feel immense guilt for having a second child and for taking away attention from Grace, and I feel like I've lost my best friend in the whole world.  She and I aren't able to go out alone together to the movies or just to Walmart to have fun because Levi would have to come, and I feel a loss for the time we had together.  I know it will get better, and people have told me that it will, but right now I'm in the thick of the guilt and it's extremely hard to cope with.  

We had to take Levi to get his bilirubin levels tested.  The first test was 10.2 and that's a bit high, so we had to go back three days later to get it tested.  It was 7.3, so he's doing fine.  He is always so hungry and can down about 4-5 ounces every feeding.  We are supplementing with formula because I'm not producing enough milk, which is the same thing that happened with Grace as well.  Grace is loving helping with her brother, and will get me diapers, open them, get the bottle and help feed him, likes to burp him, and she even fed him by herself one time!

Here's a picture of little Levi at 3 am.  I remember Miss Grace visiting me at 3 in the morning when she was little.  I love these times :)

Today was Grace's last day of school for Christmas break.  Here's a picture of her sharing a cookie and hot cocoa snack with me after playing in flour in the sensory table!!

Brad just got back from Walmart and he shopped hungry...oh boy.  He totally spoiled me and Grace is totally chowing down on a container of mixed nuts!  This girl loves her nuts!  And she got a new shirt too...

I love my girl :)  Just had to say!

Amanda

It's Tough

I never realized how hard it would be to be the parent of two.  But it goes down deeper than just logistics of "dealing" with two.  Grace is "my girl," she's my buddy and my number one person to hang out with.  She and I were together pretty much all the time and would randomly go out to Walmart or on walks just because.  And now that Levi is here, she's not getting that attention and I don't know who is hurting more about it, me or her.  I feel so absolutely guilty that she's not getting that attention anymore.  Just today I was thinking, "Gosh, have I even touched her today?"  I'm biting my lips just to keep from crying as I type this.  I love them both completely, but feel like Grace is getting the short end of the stick since I have to always be with Levi.  He is cluster feeding and so I'm either pumping or feeding him and she hears a lot of, "no Grace, don't climb on me.  No Grace, be gentle..."  When just a few weeks ago she'd climb on me like a jungle gym and we'd cuddle.

This is tough.

Amanda

Update on Baby Brother!

Shew, so it's been a whirlwind of excitement and Grace is now a big sister!  Here's the lowdown.

Tuesday morning, my due date, I went in to get checked and still hadn't dilated farther than 2 cm.  The doctor wanted me to wait another week but then we'd be missing Grace's psychological evaluation results appointment and I was NOT going to have that happen.  We already pushed it off a month and I couldn't do it again.  So I pleaded and he gave in :)  He said, "How about tonight?"  So I impatiently waited until 8 pm and Brad and I were in the hospital.  It was SO hard to leave Grace even though I knew she was in good hands.  I got a blessing at home and that went well but right after I picked up my bag, I broke down and cried because she's never been away from me like this (except one trip to Utah) and it's hard for me to leave her and I worry that she doesn't understand.  Anyways, so my hormones went crazy, I cried, gave her SO many kisses, and off we went.  They started me on a pill to get my cervix to soften since I was only at a 2 cm and 75% effaced, so that went from about 9 pm to about early morning.  And that's when the pitocin was started to get things really moving along!  I kept texting my mom and Kailyn and asking them to tell Grace I love her, I miss her and other things like that.  I worked really hard to go without an epidural but around noon I just couldn't handle it anymore.  I was at 4 cm and tried a few different positions and all of a sudden the contractions were just back to back without a break.  I tried to keep my emotions in control but I just lost it, so the anesthesiologist was called!  The contractions were still back to back through getting the epidural put in and it was so hard to hold still, but I had a great nurse to talk me through the pain and the anesthesiologist was so patient.  Actually, all the nurses were extremely good and so patient with all my questions.  I was so worried we'd have the same issues as we did with Grace, and I didn't want these problems again and so I was so scared.  Anyways...

So, after I got the epidural in they had me lay flat and then the anesthesiologist hung around for awhile to make sure sciatic nerve was completely numbed (it didn't with Grace) and to clean up from the procedure.  It was about 12:50-1 pm when he left the room and within a few minutes, I was feeling SO much pressure down there.  I thought it was just gas, though, and tried to get Brad to not go out to the nurses but I'm so glad he did because Levi was RIGHT THERE!  The nurse checked me and didn't have to go in far at all.  So she went out and called the doctor and I was so worried he was going to come without anyone in the room with me.  I pushed probably about 4-5 contractions and there he was!!  Daddy didn't get to cut the cord because the cord was around Levi's neck, but he didn't really mind.  They put the baby on a towel on my stomach and had his nose and mouth sucked out and then headed to the warmer.  I asked to do skin to skin but I wanted him cleaned off and dry first :)  Here are some pictures Daddy got...

I don't know if the above picture was from after the fact or right before he came...

Anyways, the labor and birth went great, and he latched RIGHT on.  I was frozen as he lay there screaming on my chest because I had blanked on how to do anything!  I didn't know how to hold him, move him and was so worried about breaking him, so the nurse that's in the picture above helped me. She was so surprised he latched on so well and correctly at that.  So the rest of the night was just getting the feeling back in my legs, bonding with Levi, and just getting used to the new life.  That was Tuesday and Wednesday.  He came to us at 1:18 pm and weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces.  He was 20 inches tall and has such stringy looking legs and arms!  That evening I felt good enough to move to the mother and baby unit, so I showered and then we headed to the new unit.  Now it's Thursday and we leave this afternoon!  Levi was up ALL night.  He was cluster nursing and so he either screamed while I let my chest rest, or I was a constant feeder.  I got about 1 hour of sleep cumulatively, but then he slept from 8-11:30 and then was taken by the nurse to get his hearing checked again.  They are also going to suck out his stomach because he has been choking a lot and she thinks it's amniotic fluid that's not clearing up.  Hopefully he'll be ok by the time they bring him back.  Someone came in to take pictures of him so I ordered some prints for family for Christmas, and that's pretty much been our day.  Here's a picture of my super yummy breakfast, and then random ones of Levi.  

We are now home and all is well.  Grace doesn't want to hold Levi but thats ok.  She's got a long time to be able to hold him.  Grace was napping when we got home and so MeMa took care of Levi while I napped.  Grace and I both woke around 5:30 pm and we all had dinner together :)  Grace was very interested in my nursing Levi so she got a lesson on what I was doing and why.  It's amazing how nursing came back to me so quickly and how comfortable it is to me.  And I've pretty much let Grace do whatever she will around or with him and if it's something that could be bad, then I talk to her about it.  I don't want to push her away because then she could start resenting him, so I won't freak out if she touches, pushes the swing, etc.  "What will it harm?" is what I'll ask before freaking out. :)

Now I'm exhausted so I'll close for the night.  Grace and MeMa are reading, Brad is playing a video game next to me, I'm being a pacifier, and Kailyn is chatting with me.

Amanda

More Than a Week

Well, more than a week has gone by since I last updated!  That's so crazy how fast time has gone by.  It's a lot harder to update now that family is here because I don't want my nose stuck in the computer. It already is because we are coming to the close of the semester and I'm having to finish up homework.  So anyways.  MeMa, Kailyn and Elaine got here safely and on time on Tuesday, and we've been visiting, having fun and impatiently waiting for Levi to come.  I keep asking for an induction but the doctors are being annoying.  I went to the hospital on Thursday because I was having really bad shooting pains and I was hoping he was coming, but I'm at 2 cm still and it was a urinary tract infection.  So now I'm on medication for it...4 times a day for 7 days.  Blah.  And while I've been feeling slight pains throughout the days, it's nothing that's changing anything.  I keep telling the doctors that Grace had to be induced because she didn't come on her own but they like to act like parents don't know anything.

Grace has been having trouble adapting to Elaine getting attention.  She watches her daddy play with Elaine and when I read her face, I see confusion as to why he's not playing with her.  And I see sadness when the family comes over and plays with Elaine and Grace is just on her own.  She doesn't like it when Elaine cries or screams, which we saw yesterday in the Walmart parking lot when she started kicking the baby carseat because Elaine was being too loud and Grace didn't like it.  I can tell this is going to be a big struggle for Grace.  I'm going to tell everyone that's involved, family and friends alike, that to make it easier for her we need them to acknowledge her first before "seeing" Levi, and to keep the cooing and awwing to a minimum, if at all.  She still needs to be the main focus and Levi can be a secondary.  That way Grace feels like she's still important.  I know that sounds weird, but I really feel like that's what's going to help her have a smoother transition.  I'll probably put a tag on his carseat that says, "Please greet my sister first!" so that it will remind people to do so.  I'm going to do whatever I can to keep Grace involved.

Yesterday we went to the Hemming Village Christmas party.  Santa, the Grinch, the Grinch's dog, camels and horses were there!  The horses were pulling wagons and so we got to have a wagon ride!  Grace loved it and we had a great time.  She freaked out with Santa but then was better when we all went to him as a whole family, and she went to the Grinch without an issue.  It's so funny that she went to the Grinch so easily when it looks especially scary!  We'll have pictures from Santa in a few days because a business took the picture and is now editing and going to post them on Facebook.  Here's some pictures from the activity!!

And a random picture of a felt Christmas tree for Grace!  She and I decorated the presents and ornaments for the tree.  She doesn't really find any interest in it so that's a bummer, but I'll just leave it up and maybe she'll go to it here and there.

We're having fun so far!  And Grace LOVES Elaine!  She is such a great helper as well.  Puts the pacifier in her mouth, pushes the swing for her (it's a super old one that doesn't swing on it's own anymore), brings toys for her, and so much more.  

Amanda