Tough Day

Yep, today was tough.  Not all of it, though.  Up until Grace smeared diaper mess all over her room and bed instead of going to sleep, the day was great!  Her friend came over about 8 am and got to wake Grace up, which was really fun for Grace.  They played until about 10:45 (when her friend went home) and then Grace and I went to her preschool room and worked on some activities.  Then she started hitting and misbehaving so we were done in that room!  But it was so fun :)  We put the number on the calendar, did some yoga together, read some books, sang a song, and worked on some of her school activities in her workboxes.  She had a great time and we were in there for about a half hour.  After that I brought out her canvas that she's been coloring on and she sat at her princess table coloring on there while I read the Ensign.  Then lunchtime came and she helped make Macaroni and Cheese!  But she got bored of that pretty quick and went to play with her doll house while I cooked.  Lunchtime came and went and then it was off to bed.  I'll fast forward through bedtime, or the supposed to be bedtime and just get to where she was no longer in bed because we'd given up trying.  Mommy and Daddy were both frustrated, the house smelled like a dirty diaper, and Grace could feel the frustration and so she started hitting/slapping/pushing.  When she gets like this I'm just ready to call it a day and put her to bed, and then me next.  I'm really getting tired of the hitting/slapping, but not only that, I'm tired of the fecal smearing.  I don't get it, I don't like it, and I HATE that she isn't sleeping!  I need that time to do homework since I don't get much other time, and she needs to rest so she's not crazy the rest of the day.  And ever since the eye surgery she's been unstoppable, like she's got ADHD or something.  Today was a bad day after that point.  It got better when Brad went to Idaho Falls and Mariah came home.  it was nice and calm, Grace played with Mariah after dinner and I was able to clean the kitchen.  Then came bedtime.  Grace was being super sweet cuddling with Mariah, laying on her lap under a blanket and saying "Night night" so I figured she'd be easy to put to bed.  We headed to bed and I told her I would read her two books!  So I put the eye drops in, changed her, dressed her, and then she smacked me.  Hard.  Right on the face.  And that was it.  I was SO DONE WITH HER!  I told her we wouldn't be reading, picked her up and put her in bed (at this point she's acting like a dead fish and wouldn't stand up), said goodnight/I love you and walked out.  Before that I told her we wouldn't be reading because she slapped me and she was so upset, but seriously, I'm fed up with her behavior.  I'm ready to get her tested for...something!  But by the time I shut the door, threw the diaper away and sat at the desk she was already asleep.  So, chalk it up to being tired.  That's what the naps are for, Grace!!

I'm glad the day is over.  I'm glad I can go to bed and no one needs anything.  I wish I understood what was going through her head because I'm really struggling with this situation we're in with her.  I'm struggling as a person, as a mom, a wife, and as a role model.  This whole situation is extremely difficult and really feel like I'm alone in dealing with all of this (even though Brad is there).

Amanda