Grace's journey

Another Dismal Day at Therapy

I don't know what's going on with her, and I don't understand why all of a sudden she's so against doing any therapy. Right when she saw her water therapist today she gave her a sad face and started whining, and within 3 minutes was full out crying. And not just her, "I'm gonna be kinda grouchy" but her full out, crying so loud I forget to breath, drool and huge tears, cannot control self" crying. The crying that she's done maybe 3 times in her life. What the HELL is going on? We could barely get her to stand. Out of an hour, she did maybe 5 minutes of standing and cruising, and the rest of the time, she was doing her crying business. And on top of it all, as if that's not bad enough, she's showing a really strong right side dominancy that's starting to freak me out. It's come on so fast in the past 2 weeks that it's kinda startling. She'll hang her left hand off her tray when she's eating and just use her right, and when she walks, she tends to work the right let much better than the left...kinda drags the left. And she'll reach to the right when standing fine and cruise to the right, but rarely cruises to the left anymore, and won't reach with her left arm. It's like the people that have the stroke, you know? But she crawls fine. And she's been standing tons less. She barely even stands in her bed anymore. So I have no idea whats going on, no idea what to do, and no one to ask for help. Oh, and I think she's got pink eye on top of whatever cold thing she's got. I just don't even know what's going on and how to handle it. I was so frustrated during her therapy session because we were in the room with 3 other children and their parent(s) and their therapists. I was so embarrassed that she was acting that way, and that we couldn't even console her. She cried SO hard she made herself throw up, and then whatever she threw up she swallowed, and so then she choked and threw up more. The therapist was obviously worried and on high alert. All I could do while I was there was stare, because if I even let myself process what was going on I would have started crying. I was so MAD. I kept saying, "what are you doing Grace???" And her therapist kept trying to tell me it's ok, but I was just so out of my element. My child isn't one of those kids that cry like that. She doesn't throw fits. She just goes with the flow of whatever we are doing. She tries her hardest. Grr.

At this point, I'm feeling really defeated. I took her to music group this morning, and I just had no feeling of happiness for being there. The other times I went I was able to get into it, I enjoyed it, and tried to be silly and help Grace see that it's fun. But today I was just SO not into it. The whole time I was thinking that it was pointless, and I wanted to just get up and walk out but forced myself to stay.

There's just so many things. If there were just one thing, or the other, than it wouldn't feel like it was so overwhelming. And some people just think I'm whining and take everything too seriously, literally, or whatever. I don't care what those people think. I'm feeling beat, I'm feeling frustrated, and I don't want anything to do with her the rest of the night. And I know it's not her fault, but whatever. I put her down for a nap, and when she woke up at 6:30 pm (I laid down too) I just wanted to stay in bed and not get up again. But I knew that no one else would get her, so I went to get her. But I had no desire whatsoever to take her out. So I just laid on her floor for about an hour, not really thinking, but feeling so sad and horrible. And now I have to go get her pink eye medication before they close in 10 minutes.


Amanda