Grace's journey

Disappointment

So we saw Grace's PT and Infant Specialist today. I guess you can tell from the fact that I'm not typing WOO HOO that it was a stupid meeting. They did their therapy with Grace, of course. But you could tell, right when I brought up the walker experience I had with Grace, they were already thinking no. And I brought it up since they didn't say anything like, "oh wow, she did well?" And again, they don't want her to get dependent on it. They don't want me to push her because she's developing at her own pace, and we shouldn't rush her and have her miss this huge gap of development. And what if we can't get her to walk on her own because she thinks the only way she can walk is with the walker? and in the 6 months she's been in therapy, she's made leaps and bounds and progressed through 6 months of development, so we need to just keep letting her learn at her pace. they aren't "ready" to give her a walker. who cares what mom says. and i understand everything that they are saying, but they don't understand what it's like having a kid that sits there, watching her younger peers walk/run down the hall at church, and grace is left behind. they don't know what it's like to have their daughter look back at them like, "why did they leave?" i can see it in grace. she's learned that she will be left behind. she's learned that it's ok to be left behind, and rather than trying to follow and catch up, she just sits there. it totally sucks. this whole situation sucks. i hate that my kid is going to be the only kid in nursery crawling. guess it's my own pride being shot down, and whatever is what i have to say to anyone thinking, "get over it amanda. It's not that big of a deal." because it is. i have a way that i can help her be mobile, just like her other peers, and rather than help her, i'm going to twiddle my thumbs and think, "someday she'll get there. in her time." Fine, so what I'm expected to do is shield my frustrations, my anger, my disappointment, my embarrassment, my guilt, and everything else behind a fake smile and the phrase, "she'll get there." I should just start telling people she's 9 months old so they won't keep asking me why she isn't walking, or give me the "oh" with the head nod and sad eyes of pity. i think i will do that. we'll just do more hours of pt, more hours of couch cruising, more hours of hand holding walking, more hours of speech and sign language, and tell everyone she's 9 months old. gr...so what do you have now? A mommy who's picked her lip to shreds (yes, I pick my lip when i'm frustrated) a child who doesn't understand ANYthing that's going on, and a future that's uncertain but is dictated by the PT's, rather than the parent.


a frustrated Amanda