Grace's journey

When it Rains, it Pours

So Grace has been sick with a clogged nose for 2 month, and the past few weeks she's had a nasty phlegmy cough. Now, about 6 days ago we learned she had an ear infection and since then, has been on antibiotics. And now I'm sick. Super sore throat, cough, runny/stuffy nose (I know, how can it be runny but then stuffy too?), super raspy voice and whenever I swallow I get sharp pains in my throat. Great. And on top of it all, the hubby has jury duty and we only have one vehicle, so now I have to work my schedule around his so I can get him there and back every night. Grace has a make up therapy session tomorrow (water) so we are going to be up early to get Brad to jury duty, then to water therapy, then home, then back to get Brad, then home. And then Thursday (hopefully he won't be needed for duty) it will be tricky too because she's got therapy so late in the day. I feel yucky. The house has been neglected (once again) because my energy has been lacking immensely, and it drains so fast. My lack of sleep is catching up to me (getting to bed at 1 am is kicking my butt) and my bored eating is catching up as well. It's weird because I constantly eat from about 6-11 pm, but haven't gained any weight...yet I've gained mass. So I guess I'm losing muscle. Hm... I don't know. I took a pregnancy test today because I've been really nauseous the past few weeks, but the thing was so old it didn't read. Guess I better buy some more. Do I want to be pregnant? Wouldn't mind. If I was would I be totally freaked that something might go wrong? Heck yes!!!! Do I think I can handle having another child right now, or anytime in the near (6-7 yrs) future? No. I doubt I am...but the nausea is de ja vu from my last pregnancy. In exactly two weeks, Grace will be 18 months old, which means there will be at least one more therapy thrown into the mix; speech therapy. And I'm really hoping for some more aggressive physical therapy. I can't believe how old she's getting, or how fast the time is going, or how many things I've forgotten to write down because I'm so busy trying to keep up with things I should be doing! Really, I feel like my brain is shutting down sometimes!! I'm glad my head is screwed on, cuz I'd probably forget it if I didn't.

Today Grace walked for a couple steps while holding onto just one of my hands. It was a super whiny episode, with lots of arching, whining, mad faces, trying to fall to the ground, but she did it. I also saw Ciara's baby today. She walked from the truck to the house. Good job Andrea. I tried tried tried to be proud. To be happy. To act happy and proud and surprised. I have heard somewhere that if you don't feel something (like happy), then fake it. Soon, you will fake it enough that you start to believe it. So that's what I did. And in the end, it worked. But it was hard after she left and I really thought about it. She's 14 months. Whatever. Every baby goes at their own pace. A couple days ago...maybe even today, I don't remember...Brad said, "this is when I get upset she's not walking." (He was taking her out back to play with the chickens) "It would be nice if she could just walk around, if I could put her down and she could just go. But I can't, because she'd crawl all through their poop." I know. He's right, it sucks. I feel like just stopping the whole "holding her" thing and just making her crawl wherever we go, and maybe she will figure out she's gotta walk in order to get anywhere. I mean, we are doing all the right things. We aren't coddling her, aren't holding her behind, aren't making it easy on her. If she wants to eat, she has to sign it to us, crawl to her high chair, stand up at her high chair, and sign up before we put her in it. We make her crawl to us if she wants us to pick her up, and we make her stand up in her crib before we pick her up. She has to crawl over to the side of the tub and stand up before we get her out, and just recently she's learned "out" (saying it) so we wait till she says that too. If she wants to go outside, we keep playing the mimic game with her until she finally says "Daddy out" (it's not that same sentence though). She's never said mommy to me. Like she knows who I am. When we ask her, "where's mommy?" she signs "dog." Hmm...how did those two things get twisted? Oh well. Not that big of a deal!

So obviously, my not feeling well at all and her lag is saddening to me today. But tomorrow is a new day and I guess I'll build a bridge and get over it. A mama can have a sad day without everyone thinking I'm the worst parent in the world and don't deserve her. Because people that think that need to stick their feet in their mouth as they don't have any experience pertaining to a special needs child. If you're wondering where that little spout off came from, it's from a situation I had a while ago with someone telling me I'm a screw up as a mom and that Grace will grow up to hate me. Sticks and stones people, sticks and stones. And in the end, the thoughts and opinions of people like them don't mean diddly squat to me :) How do you like THEM cherries???!!!

Off to bed...it's 11:45 pm, but I guess that's better than 1 am. We'll just see how long it takes me to fall asleep...

If I could ask for something? It'd be a girls day out with an adult girl friend. Maybe even someone to come do some ironing while I do some laundry. Someone to sit in Grace's room with me and look at all the cute clothes, and maybe every once in a while help hang something (Her room is a disaster area. It looks like a tornado went through it.) I don't know :)

Amanda